Based on the image, one might deduce that I’m about to take on a fancy craft or project to kick off my summer break. One may surmise that, given such a sharp instrument, I might be opening a package from Amazon, Groupon, or Zappos. But alas. You would be wrong.
As I sat on the couch enjoying my second cup of coffee (I am down to one cup per day, but I spilled Windex in my first cup), I heard a familiar bellow:
you’re a teenager, for chrissake. shouldn’t you still be in bed? it’s only 11:15!!!!
“Do you have a tweezer?”
“Hang on. Lemme go me look.”
I hoisted myself up, brushing the layers of cat hair off of my @ss, and went in search of the tweezers (which I found only after dumping out the bathroom drawer, emptying the linen closet, and dumping out my make-up bag – BINGO!).
“What did you do?”
“I was doing a pull-up on the bedroom door and I got a splinter.”
for the love of all things holy…
By this time, he’s in my room where we successfully extract said splinter.
As I wearily made my way back toward the couch and coffee, I glanced at the dining room table and saw the above-pictured X-acto knife on the table.
don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask
“Why is my X-acto knife out on the dining room table?”
stupid, stupid, stupid
He’s behind me now.
“Oh. I was going to get the splinter out myself if you didn’t have tweezers.”
tell me again how you graduated with honors?