Just another Saturday.

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Based on the image, one might deduce that I’m about to take on a fancy craft or project to kick off my summer break.  One may surmise that, given such a sharp instrument, I might be opening a package from Amazon, Groupon, or Zappos.  But alas.  You would be wrong.

As I sat on the couch enjoying my second cup of coffee (I am down to one cup per day, but I spilled Windex in my first cup), I heard a familiar bellow:

“Hey, Moooooom?”

cry inwardly

“Yes, dear?”

you’re a teenager, for chrissake.  shouldn’t you still be in bed?  it’s only 11:15!!!!

“Do you have a tweezer?”

“Hang on. Lemme go me look.”

I hoisted myself up, brushing the layers of cat hair off of my @ss, and went in search of the tweezers (which I found only after dumping out the bathroom drawer, emptying the linen closet, and dumping out my make-up bag – BINGO!).

“What did you do?”

“I was doing a pull-up on the bedroom door and I got a splinter.”

for the love of all things holy…

By this time, he’s in my room where we successfully extract said splinter.

As I wearily made my way back toward the couch and coffee, I glanced at the dining room table and saw the above-pictured X-acto knife on the table.

don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask

“Why is my X-acto knife out on the dining room table?”

stupid, stupid, stupid

He’s behind me now.

“Oh.  I was going to get the splinter out myself if you didn’t have tweezers.”

tell me again how you graduated with honors?

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